Let’s add infertility to the DEI discussions (opinion)

Parenthood is highly respected, at least in theory. Think of all the money that goes into baby showers, and the many state laws (rightfully so) that give parents paid time off to care for children. The diversity, equity and inclusion committee that I am a part of had a discussion about whether to advocate for the creation of breastfeeding stations for the many single parents our university has among its students.

I am everything; I think being a single parent is the worst thing a person can do. And even with a partner, being a parent is hard (maybe hard for some). I respect the challenges that parents face. But as someone who doesn’t choose to have children, I see the disparity in the way employers treat parents compared to those without children, whether they have children or not (there is a difference).

One doesn’t have to read the news too deeply to see how much JD Vance’s comments about “cat women without kids” have caused over the past few months. I am a childfor free a cat boy who stands with cats without children and without children. Yet I leave myself open to microaggressions, like the ones on this bingo card.

I will share one example. I commented on how tired I was one morning, and a co-worker said, “I was up at five this morning because of my baby! You don’t know what it is to be tired!” So I wasn’t allowed to be tired, even though the cause wasn’t a crying baby?

I am not the only person who does not have a child in higher education. And in a world where DEI is a major part of our institutions, childlessness, whether by choice or by circumstance, should be included in DEI discussions. To accomplish this, I asked the Higher Ed Learning Collective, a Facebook group, about: 1) institutional policies that allow parents certain rights that the childless/childless do not receive; and 2) any microaggressions that people without children/childless people have received, whether it’s on the card or not. These are some of the patterns I have noticed.

Editing Preferences

Oftentimes, parents get favors in teaching sessions because they “have families”—which speaks to the idea that the childless/childless don’t have lives outside of work or that their personal lives are less busy or less important. Many teachers reported some variation in this experience.

Free/Discounted Tuition

Many universities offer free or reduced tuition for children of workers. I love this benefit. However, one person revealed that when they offered to tutor their niece at a discount, they did not receive a response. Someone seemed to have read my mind when they proposed that those without children have the option of sponsoring a student scholarship.

Mandatory Baby Shower Gifts

Few people wrote about this, which made me very happy. I’m all for giving a few dollars as a congratulatory gift. After all, giving birth is a milestone for some people. But why didn’t I throw a party when I got the position? When I got a promotion (without tenure) at my previous university, my colleague gave me a $25 gift card to Cinemark. But when our department secretary announced her pregnancy, everyone was expected to donate money and attend a potluck shower. I was young at the time, so I didn’t say anything about inequality. With my stay, I may be more inclined to do so.

Microaggressions

Several teachers received comments on the bingo card such as “You’ll change your mind” and “it’s different if it’s yours.” Some even explained that they were asked to do more service work because “you don’t have children at home. It’s obvious that he’s relaxed.”

Important: There are certain circumstances in which people who do not have/have no children can benefit. One person, a self-described night owl who chose to teach between 4 and 10 p.m., took the evening slot and was admired by his “kid colleagues.”

Some hope for the future exists in our classrooms. A gerontology professor I spoke with regularly faces criticism for not having children while teaching human development courses. In his words, a professor of speech pathology does not need to have a stroke to understand the science of how it affects speech patterns. As part of her teaching, she teaches students about the difference between having no children and not having children.

The childless/childless population should be included as part of our DEI discussions. Many people are unable to have children, and there can be trauma associated with it. And there are people who just don’t want to have children; their reasons are nobody’s business. And if lifestyle choices are not rewarded (eg, additional insurance benefits for a spouse), then choosing not to have children should be considered as well.

I am always grateful for the relationship that comes from parents. One academic mom had some great advice for the childless/childless to find balance: Create a child in your mind. In other words, have a reason why you can’t do what they’re asking. For me, my cat. In my mind, if this co-worker can pick up her human child, I should be able to take my cat to her vet appointment or be there to give her her medication, which needs to be scheduled every 12 hours.

No one has challenged me. And if they do, I’ll direct them here. After all, I am the father of this cat.