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Most days parenting can feel like the most thankless job in the world. You work tirelessly and pour our heart and soul into giving your children everything, yet it is rare to even get a “thank you,” let alone a heartfelt thank you for all you have done for your children. Yes, it would be nice to hear “thank you” every once in a while, but does being thanked by those you love really matter?
Previous research you have found that hearing “thank you” or any gratitude can be important for the quality of the relationship between loving partners, but what about the relationship between a parent and a child or what about the quality of the relationship between two partners who are also parents? A learn recently published in Journal of Positive Psychology answered this question by examining whether hearing “thank you” is linked to any positive outcomes such as improved relationships, reduced parenting stress or better psychological well-being.
Research details
The study included 593 parents of children aged 4 to 17. All parents in this study were married or in a relationship. Parents filled out a questionnaire about whether their family members showed gratitude to them, that is the extent to which their partner or their children showed appreciation and gratitude for the work they did for the family. The researchers also asked about their relationships with their partners, their level of parenting stress and whether they had symptoms of psychological distress (translation: feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed). The researchers divided the children into a younger group (ages 4 to 12) and an older group (ages 13 to 17) to test whether the age of the children had an effect.
Main findings
The researchers found the following:
- Gratitude from children (both old and young) is linked to reduced parenting stress. This seems to be especially true for older children.
- Gratitude from romantic partners and older children is linked to lower levels of psychological distress. This means that gratitude from your family members is linked to a lower likelihood of feeling anxious, hopeless, or depressed.
- Gratitude from a romantic partner or spouse is linked to better relationship quality, but not lower parenting stress. This is supportive previous research and extend it to relationships in the context of parenting.
- Mothers feel less valued than fathers. Mothers reported lower levels of gratitude from partners and older children.
- Gratitude may be more important to mothers than to fathers. Gratitude seems to have a positive effect on mothers than fathers.
Translation in general
The takeaway message here is that it really does matter if you hear “thank you” as a parent. Feeling like your kids and your partner appreciate all the work you do is linked to improved relationship quality, lower parenting stress and a lower risk of depression. There seem to be different benefits to hearing gratitude from your partner than from your children, so it may be important to get gratitude from both. As for the gratitude from your children, it seems even more meaningful when it comes from older, teenage children. This may be because older children can express gratitude more sincerely and directly than younger children. Finally, gratitude may be hard-earned and more meaningful to mothers than to fathers. Research he finds that mothers do almost twice as much housework as fathers on average, so it stands to reason that they would expect more gratitude and appreciate it even more when they receive it.
